Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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