Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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