I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
