I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize