thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
