mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i think i just lost a toe
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
