We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
