My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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