Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.

(917): View more from New York City

why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.

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(705): View more from Ontario

and you said cock pushups were impossible

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(440): View more from Ohio

We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!

(1-440): View more from Ohio

I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.

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(440): View more from Ohio

So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.

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(773): View more from Illinois

I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.

(1-615): View more from Tennessee

Youre getting too old for this

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(208): View more from Idaho

Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.

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