it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize