porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
