Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
