I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
