U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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