There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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