It's like a parade of train wrecks.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
