Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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