Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
