Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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