Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
