exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
