You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
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