Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
