She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
