so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
