Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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