p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize