The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
