From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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