do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
