Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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