The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My feet surprised me
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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