I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i think i just lost a toe
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