Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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