Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
