She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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