Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
