Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
