She went from zero to smokin in five shots
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
