Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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