Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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