You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
