i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
