I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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