when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
