I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
