operation have a gay friend backfired
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Randomize
