Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
