i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
