great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
