its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
