I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
