she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
