Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
