I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
