She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Can you bring me the toilet please
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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