i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
