I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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