Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
