dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
