I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
