dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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