six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
