i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
