Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
