I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I am spending my child support on dildos
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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