GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
