Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
