haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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