There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
