Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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