Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
