you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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