Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
