I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
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