clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
